My list of loves

This blog has not been touched since the glory days of 2009. But now, more than 4 years later, I am hereby resurrecting it for one last hurrah - to tell the world that I am getting married to a great girl, and that I am thus officially off the market. Sorry ladies. ;)

But more than that, on this Valentine's Day, I want to take a page from her book and tell y'all what I love about her, as a public reminder to myself when things get tough.

I suppose I can start with the superficial. :P All romantic love starts with an undercurrent of physical attraction, and ours is no different. I love the shape of her face and her uniquely shaped eyes, and the way her smile lights up her face. I love the curves of her body and the softness of her skin and the way her hair falls over her shoulders. I love the slightly awkward way she moves and how she bumps into things because she's too excitedly preoccupied over something else. I love her husky voice in the mornings and the cheekily naughty grin she can't help displaying when she's up to no good. :P I love the way she sits quietly when she's absorbed in a book, and I adore the enthusiastic, bubbling energy that she has when she happily interacts with her friends.

I love the simple yet elegant way she dresses and how she steadfastly tries to cure my terrible sense of fashion. I love that she likes brilliant yet non-overwhelming colors and how she good-naturedly points out purples from blues for color-blind me. I am even not ashamed to admit that I love her cute earrings and her obsession with nice shoes. I love how she is not the slightest bit vain regardless of her fondness for pretty things and how comfortable she is in her own skin.

I love that she has a far more refined tastebuds than I do and how she delights in good food, and how she has opened my eyes to how awesome oyster sauce can be. :P I even love the way she lingers over and has a hard time finishing the final bite of her food, regardless of what it is (I don't know why, but it's cute).

I love her care and concern for the people around her, and I love how she calls her dog using the most ridiculous and corny pet names. I love the way she adores her kids (she's a teacher) and how she can yell at them one moment and love them to bits the next.

I love that she is utterly responsible and completely trustworthy and always trying to do the right thing even if it is the more difficult thing to do. I love her fiery sense of justice and the way she stands up to people who treat others badly. I love how she tackles problems immediately and confronts things directly, and the wisdom and tact she often displays during difficult times and situation.

I adore her sense of humor and how she's not afraid to be cheeky and her sharp wit that leads to the most delightful conversations. I love her way with words and how she can always immediately grasp the meanings to and understand my often convoluted attempts at saying things, sometimes even before I finish the thought.

But perhaps more than anything else, I love the way she accepts me for who I am and loves me enough to put up with me for the many long years we have been apart.

May, I love you and can't wait to be with you. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. :)

Make the Pie Higher

by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen
And uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish
Can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!
Major league.

*Richard Thompson, January 2001. Assembled from actual quotes. Arranged for aesthetic reasons only.

The Student's Prayer

The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not flunk
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying
He leadeth me beside "Easy Way" for a study break
He restores my faith in study guides
He leads me to better study habits
For my grades' sake
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades
I will not have a nervous breakdown
For thou art with me
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me
Thou givest me the answer in moments of blankness
Thou anointest my head with understanding
My test papers runneth over with questions I recognise
Surely passing grades and flying colours shall follow me
All the days of my examinations
And I shall not have to dwell in this exam hall forever

Karangan Terbaik UPSR 2008

From quaintly.net:

Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.

Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.

Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit “Adoi!”. Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.

Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia! pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.

Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit “Adoi..!” dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lor! i itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.

Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.

Iniquity

They laugh and smile and talk and embrace and I do too.
But sometimes my smile covers a tear.
And no one knows.

Right now my tear is from an it.
I'm sorry, so very sorry I did it.
I feel like a broken record and the skip
is the it that never completely goes away.

What would they think if they knew my it?
Would the laughs vanish? The smiles disappear?
Would the talk be hurled at me? The embrace taken back?

Do they have an it? What do they do with it?
Why do we act for each other when there is no play?
There is only life.
And that life includes a lot of it.
The point is not to celebrate it
but only to admit to it.

I am told Jesus knows everything
which means he know about it.
And yet he whispers
in words too good to be true
I died for you -- don't worry about it.

--Chip Heim

Begone.

O sweet breath of life
Will thou never cease
Thy bitter tang?

Why the little pinpricks?
Why the small jolts of pain?
Art thou so cowardly
To hide in the shadows
Laughing at thy devilish traps?

Stare me in the face, O Master
Look me in the eye
Face me that I may know my enemy
Show me where my loyalties lie

If thou must taketh, do not giveth
If thou must kill, do not give life
Give me all or give me nothing
But do not linger in my suffering
Let the dead mourn the dead
But leave the living alone

Be thou sincere in thy dealings
Or begone

Creepy

Remember the surreal, vague, metaphysical-seeming stuff I was talking about? Well, this is one of them.

Introspection

Things change. Nature changes, that's what nature is. Ever since God unleashed the Big Bang the total amount of entropy in the universe has only been able to increase. And chaos means change. Lots and lots and lots of change.

People change too. Or do they? I am not the same person I was a year ago, yet I am in essence no different than that naive little boy who loved Enid Blyton and ran down slides for fun. Parts of me have changed, parts of me have not. Am I still that little boy? Perhaps, but perhaps not.

But I suppose I'm getting ahead of myself here. If I have changed, how have I changed? I loved Enid Blyton, and I still do, even if other authors have challenged her preeminence. I no longer run down slides for fun (breaking your arm kinda cures you of that), so maybe I'm a little more cautious; more calculative and less of a risk-taker. I hated celery, and I still do. I still love french fries and fried chicken and pizza, although I can no longer live with myself if I ate those every day.

But to be honest, I'm digressing. My true question is whether my fundamental personality has changed, and that's a lot more difficult to answer. Likes and dislikes change all the time, but those don't really matter. Who I am is far more than what I like or dislike. And what would make up my fundamental personality? Well, I'm an introvert, and I think I always have been. I'm not spontaneous and I've a hard time taking the initiative to do something. I'm slightly better at that now than I was before, but in essence I haven't changed: I still prefer to follow the leader. I've always been kiasu, and I've always been a "nice guy". Well, I no longer exhibit my horridly spiteful temper, but that part of me is still in there somewhere. I'm not a very assertive person and I never have been. I'm easily distracted, amused, or wow-ed by surreal, vague, metaphysical-seeming things, and I always have been. And I still ponder upon the meaning of life and the reason for the existence of the universe every so often.

So, in conclusion, I guess my fundamental personality hasn't changed in any significant way. I may have gained a little bit more control over parts of my personality, but my tendencies in doing things are still roughly the same. Sure, my taste has evolved, and I've probably gained about half a million experience points thus far, but that's an integral part of life.

Wait, a minute, so that means I haven't changed significantly and probably am not going to? I don't know whether that's uplifting or depressing. I guess my indecisive nature hasn't changed as well.

Hmm.

A troubled conscience

No.
Why not?

Because it is wrong.
Is it? Why is it wrong?

Because it's not mine to take. It doesn't belong to me.
So what? How does that make it wrong?

It's called stealing. Stealing is wrong.
Why is stealing wrong? Tell me.

I would be depriving someone of what is rightfully his.
*Low chuckle* Rightfully his? Do you really believe that?

*Silence*
DO you?

Perhaps not. But I would be causing pain and anger. I would be causing distress. That is wrong.
IS it? After ALL that he's done to you?

I...
THINK, my friend, THINK. Without it, you die.

But... But this is wrong!
You spineless fool. It does not belong to him either. He may be its legal owner, but he has no more RIGHT to it than you do. He is the last person on earth who needs it. YOU do.

But there must be another way!
There is no other way. You know that.

There must be! There must be. I can keep looking!
For how long? *snarls harshly* You have two days to live. You don't do this, you die.

But I...
You MUST do this! TAKE it! Take it NOW!

I... I cannot.
You miserable pathetic little fool. Are you such a coward that you cannot even muster up the courage to save your own life?

I... I CANNOT! I CANNOT! Go away, and leave me alone!
Fine. So be it.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
*silence*

He...hello? HELLO?
*silence continues*